Spring Clean Your Closet: Be a Ruthless Bitch To Get Organized This Year

Hello. Dr. Kelly here. It’s time for an intervention. All those old, sad, ill-fitting clothes jammed into your closet? They’re ruining your relationship with your best outfits, wasting your time in the morning, playing tricks with your self-esteem and just generally making you lame.So here’s my five-step plan to transform you into the sort of ruthless bitch who’s 100% in control of her closet—and her life.

1. Send everyone away

Sure, you love your kids/spouse/mom/roommates, but only YOU can help you. Block off a few hours, pour yourself a glass of wine, pump up the jams—anything you can do to fool yourself into thinking it’s not a chore.

2. Pull it all out

Yes, this is a pain in the butt. Yes, it is totally necessary. It’s the only way to discover that you actually have, say, three identical white button-ups or seven grey sweaters. Pull everything out of your closet, drawers, laundry pile and anyplace else clothes might be lurking and sort your items into piles by category so you can see what you really own.

3. Be a ruthless bitch

Try everything on and PURGE. Cut those dated, ill-fitting clothes out of your life like a cheating boyfriend. Donate anything that’s a size or more too big (you don’t need an excuse to gain weight!) or too small (you don’t need pressure to lose it, either). Garments that are only slightly off go into a pile to get tailored—but if you don’t do it within a month, donate those, too, because you’re never going to do it. Part with anything you haven’t worn in more than a year, even if you used to love it. A ruthless bitch doesn’t have time for losers.

4. Refresh the space

Closets get shockingly dingy. Sweep it out, wipe down the walls, and give it a fresh coat of paint, if necessary (a light color in a satin finish will resist shoe scuffs best). Replace sagging dry cleaner hangers with real wood or plastic ones to support your garments better. Consider it a space to showcase your clothing, not cram them into hiding.

5. Put it on your calendar

I do this twice a year, and so should you. You may not think you need, it, you may not be ready, but it’s time. The change of seasons is a great time to reflect on what you never ended up wearing, and to move any clothes you’ll need for the next season to the easiest-to-reach spot. Each time you do this, the process will get easier—so one day, it really will be 90% “me time.”


Nine years ago, I made a vow to live my life based on three guiding principles: Love, Awe and Gratitude. Today, instead of feeling sad, angry or anxious about The Chew’s cancellation, I will look through the lens of Gratitude and thank: My cohosts, @chefsymon and @carlaphall, for being two of the greatest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. The crew and staff of The Chew for being so dedicated, hardworking and collaborative. Our viewers for allowing us into your homes each day to share a laugh and a recipe — and a cocktail. It’s been a fun run and I am so freakin’ lucky to have been a part of it. Much love, CK ❤️

This photo was taken the day my mom brought me back to the US from Panama, where I was born. She had jet-black hair and a tan, whereas I was basically translucent, with white hair and big blue eyes. Security guards stopped her in the airport because they thought she was smuggling someone else’s baby out of the country. So, I guess it’s time for everyone to come clean. I was indeed stolen. I am actually a Norwegian prince. Where’s my 👑, Terri?!?! Where. Is. My. #%^*ing. 👑?!? 🤪 Happy Mother’s Day!!! I love you. Sorry I’m so weird. ❤️

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